I learned to read when I was 18 months old. My uncle taught me to read comic books. I loved and still love the incredible concepts of supernatural and alien abilities. Super speed, the ability to fly, laser vision, invisible jets, green power rings, scaling walls and slinging webs, telekinetically manipulating matter, manipulation of time and space--all these and more intrigued me. I was also intrigued by the Bible and the stories and feats I found there. a combination of the comic book world and the spiritual world had a huge impact on who I would become.
I've always wanted to save the world. I've given my all to help someone pay bills, buy food, fix a car, etc., even if I, too, was in financial distress. I see the pain of others and wish I could take it away, go back in time to the source of this pain and expunge it. I watch people destroy their lives and feel powerless because my heart wants to remove them from their wrecklessness. I see the good in others, no matter how much evil they show me. Many times I wish I could show those I love the beauty I see in them, wish I could expose their true selves to them so they could see their pricelessness.
But, alas, I am but a mere man. I am no billionaire playboy with a secret identity and I can't save everyone from their financial woes. I have no time-travelling abilities and can't go to the source of one's pain to alleviate it. I can't telepathically look into the minds of others and correct the disconnect between who they see in themselves and who they truly are. I can't heal broken hearts or calm tempests, can't move mountains or part seas. I'm just a man with nothing special to offer but my heart, my love, an ear, a kind word, and whatever resources that are available to me.
And what of me? Who's going to save me? Where is my superhero? Who'll see my pain? Who'll be there to dry my tears, heal my pain, feel my suffering, strengthen me when I falter? Who will look beyond my flaws and see perfection, see the greatness that is me? Who is going to SEE me at all?
Furthermore, should superheroes need salvation? Should pain be a part of a superhero's daily life? Should they be vulnerable? Should they have few resources and be scraping pennies? How can I heal the pain in someone else's heart when there is so much pain in my broken heart? How can I show someone what is like to feel the love of another when all I feel is the biting sting of rejection? Why do I continue to try to save the world, knowing I can't be saved?
The answer is simple. I never want another person to know failure and rejection as intimately as I know them. I never want to see anyone feel the pain that overrides even my happiest moment. I loathe the thought of someone else experiencing this burning emptiness; this unbridled hunger for intimacy, affection, and acceptance; this raging loneliness that consumes me a makes me beg for death to wrap me in its warm embrace every second of my life. I can't stop trying to save the world because I want no one else in the world to become me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
babe, your post makes my heart grey and fills with sympathy & discontentment, for your emotions and the never ending mission to save other's you're on. you cant save everyone and every soul, especially when they might play a role at their own tragic demise. which can be failure, or the inability of being loved or to love, not valuing oneself, or whatever the case may be. you can envision the good in others, even try to help them see their own light within, but you can only try. some people just cant reach their eternal core, maybe they don't want to, or maybe they just don't know how to process emotions & feelings. but most of all how r u going to help save others , when you need to invest and solidify yourself. didn't you just tell me last night I need to help and fix myself, why can you and listen to your own sound advice,. you're emotionally damaged, sooner then later all super hero's get's weary and feeble, and need to replenish, and it sounds like your nearing that point. why fight the good fight when your not at best to do so. One plight of a super hero, or a person in general is just to say enough and just knowing when there at their max....keep fighting the good fight superman, just don't make saving the world your only priority and you forgot about and or lose yourself in the process! nothing good can come out of you trying to save the world while you have the inability to live freely and happy! remember us good guys always have to wait for thing's a little latter in life. don't think of it as a negative, I just say whatever it is, it's being crafted and perfected so when we do obtain it, it will be of greater value! ~~~ *Still lost in translation*
ReplyDelete